








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 200 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 270 matches | ||
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3309 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,868 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2699 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3057 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3163 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2949 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $910,406 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Nafloob | 45% | 29 |
| #10 | Haw0y | 42% | 36 |
| #11 | THE ONANIST | 40% | 47 |
| #12 | the BIG Splash | 39% | 38 |
| #13 | anal4sale | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THE ONANIST | 20 | 0.0224 |
| #2 | the BIG Splash | 8 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | GDogg | 7 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Manthis | 5 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | OnlyAgility | 5 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THE ONANIST | 324 | 0.36 | 9 min |
| #2 | GDogg | 235 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | OnlyAgility | 171 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | kenji :> | 142 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | Manthis | 135 | 0.15 | 3 min |





