








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 413 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 278 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3414 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,039 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2734 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2739 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2015 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2551 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,233,092 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 156 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoff auf Stoff | 53% | 17 |
| #2 | JayP | 52% | 46 |
| #3 | Black Chicken | 47% | 103 |
| #4 | Ikaw Gilligan | 45% | 249 |
| #5 | burglerladder_vs | 43% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | JayP | 52% | 46 |
| #3 | Black Chicken | 47% | 103 |
| #4 | Ikaw Gilligan | 45% | 249 |
| #5 | burglerladder_vs | 43% | 81 |
| #6 | Praise-The-Blyat | 43% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ikaw Gilligan | 12 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Black Chicken | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Praise-The-Blyat | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | JayP | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | burglerladder_vs | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ikaw Gilligan | 520 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #2 | Praise-The-Blyat | 315 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | burglerladder_vs | 192 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | Black Chicken | 105 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hoff auf Stoff | 71 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 你好臭 | +0.47 | 62 | 68 |
| #2 | Ikaw Gilligan | +0.03 | 42 | 70 |
| #3 | Hoff auf Stoff | -0.31 | 62 | 68 |
| #4 | JayP | -0.50 | 53 | 53 |
| #5 | Black Chicken | -0.56 | 39 | 54 |





