








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
790 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,073 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 928 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1170 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 828 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1147 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $268,325 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dinchef | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Räjl Syphilis Kringë | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | ハローキティ | 54% | 69 |
| #4 | LaserGB | 51% | 37 |
| #5 | Infezsmir drakemoon.com | 50% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ハローキティ | 54% | 69 |
| #4 | LaserGB | 51% | 37 |
| #5 | Infezsmir drakemoon.com | 50% | 28 |
| #6 | V3LOX | 48% | 27 |
| #7 | ♛ BiT | 44% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ハローキティ | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | V3LOX | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | ♛ BiT | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Infezsmir drakemoon.com | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Räjl Syphilis Kringë | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ハローキティ | 154 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Infezsmir drakemoon.com | 132 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #3 | ♛ BiT | 117 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | V3LOX | 65 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | LaserGB | 19 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ハローキティ | +2.82 | 90 | 62 |
| #2 | Infezsmir drakemoon.com | +0.36 | 73 | 62 |
| #3 | V3LOX | +0.27 | 68 | 62 |
| #4 | Räjl Syphilis Kringë | +0.04 | 86 | 41 |
| #5 | Dinchef | -0.09 | 56 | 36 |





