








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1020 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1116 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 150 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




129 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
14506 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 67,164 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 20486 | 31% |
| Smokes | 17034 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 15775 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 13869 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,081,767 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2136 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | lil suislide | 50% | 157 |
| #6 | 🐺May🐺 | 46% | 754 |
| #7 | 4M@ | 46% | 190 |
| #8 | The Real Mwat | 46% | 145 |
| #9 | Shady | 44% | 133 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nvr | 85 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | Jobbie | 48 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | 🐺May🐺 | 32 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | lil suislide | 19 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | .broliverxd | 15 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nvr | 1756 | 0.27 | 42 min |
| #2 | 🐺May🐺 | 1149 | 0.07 | 31 min |
| #3 | Jobbie | 1008 | 0.06 | 27 min |
| #4 | 4M@ | 850 | 0.21 | 19 min |
| #5 | .broliverxd | 642 | 0.15 | 18 min |





