








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1094 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 345 matches | ||
| Premier | 341 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6505 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,950 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8354 | 31% |
| Smokes | 6629 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 6821 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 5146 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,552,232 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1919 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Hatetasmic Parade | 63% | 88 |
| #2 | Gandalf | 57% | 115 |
| #3 | Fives | 51% | 41 |
| #4 | yunB | 47% | 58 |
| #5 | TeD | 45% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Gandalf | 57% | 115 |
| #3 | Fives | 51% | 41 |
| #4 | yunB | 47% | 58 |
| #5 | TeD | 45% | 38 |
| #6 | Danieeel | 42% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fives | 9 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | A Hatetasmic Parade | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | TeD | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Danieeel | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | yunB | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gandalf | 736 | 0.30 | 19 min |
| #2 | A Hatetasmic Parade | 313 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | yunB | 229 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #4 | Danieeel | 114 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | TeD | 89 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fives | +2.51 | 44 | 39 |
| #2 | Kaiiiba_ | +0.56 | 63 | 56 |
| #3 | yunB | +0.54 | 45 | 67 |
| #4 | Gandalf | +0.23 | 42 | 61 |
| #5 | A Hatetasmic Parade | -0.44 | 37 | 68 |





