








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1011 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,212 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 568 | 18% |
| Smokes | 964 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 761 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 919 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $218,145 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Edvard | 60% | 47 |
| #5 | 'saul goodman | 56% | 81 |
| #6 | iTactical_Turtle | 55% | 38 |
| #7 | Falch | 46% | 13 |
| #8 | JEEPERS | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iTactical_Turtle | 6 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | 'saul goodman | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | wEnche | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Edvard | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Falch | 2 | 0.0074 |





