








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 501 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 162 matches | ||
| Wingman | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3991 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,487 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3230 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2455 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1600 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2202 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,397,901 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 742 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peabush | 68% | 62 |
| #2 | Malagar | 51% | 251 |
| #3 | CoolkidUK | 51% | 263 |
| #4 | Kenny | 50% | 24 |
| #5 | Rumble | 49% | 203 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CoolkidUK | 15 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Malagar | 10 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | ☣Thalawes☣™ | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Peabush | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Rumble | 4 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Malagar | 281 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #2 | Peabush | 248 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | CoolkidUK | 244 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | Rumble | 151 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | ☣Thalawes☣™ | 133 | 0.06 | 3 min |





