








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
692 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,612 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 277 | 17% |
| Smokes | 461 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 478 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 396 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $152,877 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kana | 78% | 18 |
| #2 | jepö | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | nUUH | 67% | 3 |
| #4 | Jazur | 64% | 11 |
| #5 | Snifu | 60% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | chonkMONSTER | 60% | 5 |
| #7 | kh33 | 60% | 15 |
| #8 | jolbe | 50% | 6 |
| #9 | Spermbank | 50% | 22 |
| #10 | JKAEMER | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kh33 | 2 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | Jazur | 2 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | jolbe | 2 | 0.0183 |
| #4 | Kana | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | chonkMONSTER | 1 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kana | 50 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | Spermbank | 34 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Jazur | 31 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | jolbe | 25 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #5 | kh33 | 20 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jolbe | +10.78 | 91 | 60 |
| #2 | nUUH | +2.45 | 75 | 45 |
| #3 | jepö | +2.39 | 77 | 84 |
| #4 | raju | +1.37 | 76 | 50 |
| #5 | Kana | +0.54 | 54 | 46 |





