








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 203 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
544 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,806 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 363 | 20% |
| Smokes | 552 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 467 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 424 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $126,952 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ase45bgwase45 | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Skelly | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | Jøss | 64% | 14 |
| #4 | The Dude Abides | 62% | 21 |
| #5 | narkoronny | 60% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jøss | 3 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | The Dude Abides | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | narkoronny | 1 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jøss | 55 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #2 | Skelly | 52 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #3 | narkoronny | 29 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | The Dude Abides | 18 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Taddis | 14 | 0.06 | 0 min |





