








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 216 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 138 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1860 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,759 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1742 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1582 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2038 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1397 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $948,345 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fat Mike | 73% | 22 |
| #2 | Josef | 72% | 32 |
| #3 | Gran | 61% | 112 |
| #4 | My name is Jeff | 51% | 43 |
| #5 | JayKnows Happy | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Josef | 72% | 32 |
| #3 | Gran | 61% | 112 |
| #4 | My name is Jeff | 51% | 43 |
| #5 | JayKnows Happy | 47% | 17 |
| #6 | Christian Horny | 42% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gran | 18 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | My name is Jeff | 14 | 0.0171 |
| #3 | Fat Mike | 7 | 0.0152 |
| #4 | Josef | 4 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | Christian Horny | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gran | 445 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #2 | My name is Jeff | 127 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | Josef | 90 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | Fat Mike | 90 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | Christian Horny | 58 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josef | +5.33 | 76 | 79 |
| #2 | Gran | +4.21 | 78 | 76 |
| #3 | Fat Mike | +3.98 | 80 | 74 |
| #4 | My name is Jeff | +3.89 | 74 | 77 |
| #5 | Christian Horny | -0.32 | 79 | 49 |





