








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
867 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,889 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 52 | 2% |
| Smokes | 847 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1302 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 688 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $391,995 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grand Digs | 49% | 39 |
| #2 | ebirdyxx | 45% | 69 |
| #3 | Ånderkover | 45% | 83 |
| #4 | Meelo | 40% | 47 |
| #5 | N3rdtast1c | 38% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ånderkover | 23 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | ebirdyxx | 14 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | N3rdtast1c | 12 | 0.0082 |
| #4 | Grand Digs | 11 | 0.0134 |
| #5 | Meelo | 5 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ebirdyxx | 301 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #2 | Meelo | 120 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Ånderkover | 119 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | N3rdtast1c | 54 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Typical_Panda | 28 | 0.06 | 1 min |





