








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1219 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 335 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




49 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3767 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,563 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5565 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4473 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4343 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4182 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,033,968 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1790 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noname | 48% | 27 |
| #2 | tj5- | 44% | 41 |
| #3 | Noname | 40% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noname | 48% | 27 |
| #2 | tj5- | 44% | 41 |
| #3 | Noname | 40% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tj5- | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Noname | 2 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tj5- | 134 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | Noname | 102 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Noname | 59 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Puck Enjoyer | +0.87 | 65 | 70 |
| #2 | Noname | +0.16 | 61 | 59 |
| #3 | tj5- | -0.94 | 56 | 55 |
| #4 | Noname | -1.28 | 44 | 58 |





