










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 135 matches | ||
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3494 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,219 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5160 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3923 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3160 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2976 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $688,862 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2192 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Swaqi | 50% | 32 |
| #11 | Happyhippo53 | 48% | 42 |
| #12 | QueMasa? | 42% | 19 |
| #13 | LukeS | 41% | 17 |
| #14 | JerdeN | 31% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rxni | 13 | 0.0109 |
| #2 | JerdeN | 12 | 0.0112 |
| #3 | dasz | 7 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Happyhippo53 | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | 99 Strength | 3 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dasz | 234 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | Happyhippo53 | 162 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #3 | JerdeN | 161 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | rxni | 143 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | QueMasa? | 123 | 0.31 | 4 min |





