








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 267 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1447 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,511 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3451 | 41% |
| Smokes | 2410 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 532 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 2118 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $312,542 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | quackboi | 51% | 119 |
| #3 | ngodichat | 49% | 37 |
| #4 | ch1mple | 47% | 133 |
| #5 | claude | 47% | 72 |
| #6 | Tay Bé Bằng Mắt Muỗi | 47% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | quackboi | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | ch1mple | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Tay Bé Bằng Mắt Muỗi | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | claude | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | ngodichat | 2 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ch1mple | 664 | 0.24 | 18 min |
| #2 | Tay Bé Bằng Mắt Muỗi | 633 | 0.28 | 14 min |
| #3 | quackboi | 512 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #4 | ngodichat | 172 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #5 | claude | 127 | 0.09 | 3 min |





