








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 153 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2150 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,426 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1267 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1857 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1968 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1334 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $840,550 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 154 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Mr. Bacon | 48% | 100 |
| #7 | mr_ael | 47% | 113 |
| #8 | p4tr1c >.< | 47% | 15 |
| #9 | Niekos1666 | 46% | 24 |
| #10 | K4BoJaH | 32% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StupidAF | 6 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | mr_ael | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Mr. Bacon | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | BattleDurk | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | ✯ Dirty Steef ✯ | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mr_ael | 513 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #2 | Mr. Bacon | 393 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #3 | K4BoJaH | 99 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | StupidAF | 75 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | BattleDurk | 34 | 0.03 | 1 min |





