








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 624 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 542 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5390 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,418 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7830 | 29% |
| Smokes | 7359 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6992 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 5237 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,269,424 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 382 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StupidAF | 51% | 261 |
| #2 | Mr. Bacon | 51% | 462 |
| #3 | BattleDurk | 51% | 251 |
| #4 | p4tr1c >.< | 50% | 197 |
| #5 | chicowo | 49% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | p4tr1c >.< | 50% | 197 |
| #5 | chicowo | 49% | 74 |
| #6 | b0b | 47% | 113 |
| #7 | StruppsN | 46% | 35 |
| #8 | K4BoJaH | 43% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Bacon | 16 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | StupidAF | 16 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | BattleDurk | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | p4tr1c >.< | 9 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | chicowo | 6 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Bacon | 1844 | 0.19 | 51 min |
| #2 | StupidAF | 511 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #3 | p4tr1c >.< | 471 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #4 | K4BoJaH | 315 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #5 | StruppsN | 229 | 0.30 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4tr1c >.< | +1.84 | 78 | 69 |
| #2 | StupidAF | +0.65 | 66 | 55 |
| #3 | BattleDurk | +0.30 | 77 | 43 |
| #4 | mr_ael | +0.27 | 73 | 72 |
| #5 | Mr. Bacon | -0.26 | 69 | 69 |





