








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 786 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1009 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11812 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,643 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6584 | 25% |
| Smokes | 7580 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 7574 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4905 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,711,331 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 328 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | C. Arson | 52% | 121 |
| #2 | BigBootyAssassin | 47% | 402 |
| #3 | RICKY | 46% | 287 |
| #4 | Glaffo | 46% | 78 |
| #5 | Bertoli The Beautiful | 45% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | RICKY | 46% | 287 |
| #4 | Glaffo | 46% | 78 |
| #5 | Bertoli The Beautiful | 45% | 66 |
| #6 | Reggie | 44% | 248 |
| #7 | ogxro | 41% | 165 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigBootyAssassin | 24 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Reggie | 13 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | RICKY | 8 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | ogxro | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Glaffo | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigBootyAssassin | 647 | 0.08 | 17 min |
| #2 | Reggie | 499 | 0.09 | 16 min |
| #3 | ogxro | 279 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | Glaffo | 187 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | C. Arson | 161 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | C. Arson | +2.27 | 78 | 62 |
| #2 | NiKo™ | +1.19 | 61 | 51 |
| #3 | Glaffo | -0.59 | 40 | 64 |
| #4 | RICKY | -0.93 | 40 | 48 |
| #5 | Reggie | -0.97 | 44 | 54 |





