








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 800 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 506 matches | ||
| Faceit | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6165 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,457 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7494 | 28% |
| Smokes | 6465 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 6249 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 6249 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $945,666 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 415 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A1EX | 66% | 35 |
| #2 | coca cola normal | 53% | 192 |
| #3 | Barry Cicada | 50% | 68 |
| #4 | patihead$$hocik | 49% | 105 |
| #5 | fat rat blyat | 47% | 220 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | coca cola normal | 53% | 192 |
| #3 | Barry Cicada | 50% | 68 |
| #4 | patihead$$hocik | 49% | 105 |
| #5 | fat rat blyat | 47% | 220 |
| #6 | kakaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 41% | 115 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coca cola normal | 9 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | fat rat blyat | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | patihead$$hocik | 8 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | kakaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Barry Cicada | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | patihead$$hocik | 453 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #2 | kakaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 392 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #3 | fat rat blyat | 380 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #4 | coca cola normal | 350 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #5 | Barry Cicada | 122 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haze | +0.99 | 82 | 64 |
| #2 | coca cola normal | +0.73 | 80 | 58 |
| #3 | A1EX | -0.71 | 86 | 46 |
| #4 | fat rat blyat | -0.86 | 81 | 59 |
| #5 | kakaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | -1.40 | 77 | 59 |





