










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
148 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 344 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 65 | 19% |
| Smokes | 54 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 115 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 110 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $213,252 of utility $300 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ziv7 | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Sinuhe Egyptiläinen | 52% | 29 |
| #3 | Chinese BBQ Breetu | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | Professional Retard | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | big d.j.t | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Sinuhe Egyptiläinen | 52% | 29 |
| #3 | Chinese BBQ Breetu | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | Professional Retard | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | big d.j.t | 0% | 2 |
| #6 | Zenning | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Professional Retard | 4 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Chinese BBQ Breetu | 3 | 0.0337 |
| #3 | Sinuhe Egyptiläinen | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sinuhe Egyptiläinen | 48 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | Professional Retard | 38 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #3 | Zenning | 10 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #4 | Chinese BBQ Breetu | 8 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | big d.j.t | 7 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Professional Retard | +5.82 | 81 | 56 |
| #2 | ziv7 | +5.23 | 88 | 66 |
| #3 | Zenning | +3.46 | 72 | 68 |
| #4 | Sinuhe Egyptiläinen | +0.97 | 53 | 54 |
| #5 | Chinese BBQ Breetu | -0.87 | 72 | 54 |





