








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 111 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1054 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,782 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 978 | 35% |
| Smokes | 613 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 671 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 520 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $294,556 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 525 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | sex | 48% | 136 |
| #6 | Modelo | 47% | 30 |
| #7 | .. | 45% | 77 |
| #8 | Ayame | 39% | 49 |
| #9 | ♡ Throatgoat ♡ | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sex | 11 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | .. | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Ayame | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Johnson | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | ass | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sex | 406 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | ass | 362 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #3 | Ayame | 122 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Johnson | 85 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | .. | 58 | 0.04 | 1 min |





