








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1375 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,366 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1339 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1593 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1317 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1117 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $570,310 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 142 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .. | 47% | 132 |
| #2 | sex | 44% | 100 |
| #3 | ass | 41% | 44 |
| #4 | Reginald | 39% | 49 |
| #5 | Modelo | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .. | 47% | 132 |
| #2 | sex | 44% | 100 |
| #3 | ass | 41% | 44 |
| #4 | Reginald | 39% | 49 |
| #5 | Modelo | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .. | 11 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | sex | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Reginald | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sex | 250 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | ass | 200 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | Reginald | 167 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | .. | 114 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Modelo | 13 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ass | +1.79 | 54 | 55 |
| #2 | sex | +1.14 | 55 | 46 |
| #3 | .. | -0.02 | 64 | 28 |
| #4 | Reginald | -1.56 | 54 | 33 |
| #5 | Ayame | -1.65 | 48 | 46 |





