








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 400 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 148 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1396 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,914 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1471 | 38% |
| Smokes | 961 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 714 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 768 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $622,952 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 69 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | daki | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | Fakesmile | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | Llama | 60% | 75 |
| #4 | Izanagii Sama | 58% | 89 |
| #5 | 「HNANDRA」 | 56% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Fakesmile | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | Llama | 60% | 75 |
| #4 | Izanagii Sama | 58% | 89 |
| #5 | 「HNANDRA」 | 56% | 112 |
| #6 | Jerry | 55% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerry | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | 「HNANDRA」 | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Izanagii Sama | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Llama | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 「HNANDRA」 | 900 | 0.35 | 23 min |
| #2 | Jerry | 344 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #3 | Llama | 324 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #4 | Izanagii Sama | 295 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #5 | daki | 49 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Llama | +1.17 | 85 | 68 |
| #2 | 「HNANDRA」 | +0.72 | 71 | 75 |
| #3 | xX_OGdsverOG_Xx | +0.54 | 81 | 56 |
| #4 | Jerry | +0.53 | 75 | 66 |
| #5 | daki | +0.48 | 89 | 58 |





