








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 659 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 83 matches | ||
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Esplay | 26 matches | 2,115 | |
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2377 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,704 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2555 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2314 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1760 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2075 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $661,425 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 277 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Danny | LF Coach | 67% | 42 |
| #2 | bloff | 64% | 22 |
| #3 | lukas | 61% | 44 |
| #4 | Swärd♿ | 61% | 84 |
| #5 | majstr0 | 58% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swärd♿ | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | lukas | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | bloff | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | FR0GGE | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swärd♿ | 301 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | lukas | 88 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | terq | 87 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | FR0GGE | 86 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | majstr0 | 57 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Danny | LF Coach | +3.36 | 90 | 66 |
| #2 | FR0GGE | +2.65 | 90 | 61 |
| #3 | majstr0 | +1.38 | 75 | 46 |
| #4 | Höken5 | +0.97 | 82 | 70 |
| #5 | lukas | +0.92 | 79 | 61 |





