








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 65 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1193 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,451 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1022 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1102 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 537 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 790 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $225,012 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shiv | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | liquorice | 73% | 11 |
| #3 | kson | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | alexb | 52% | 42 |
| #5 | Dphil | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | liquorice | 73% | 11 |
| #3 | kson | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | alexb | 52% | 42 |
| #5 | Dphil | 50% | 20 |
| #6 | gla1re | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alexb | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | gla1re | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Dphil | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | kson | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | shiv | 1 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alexb | 255 | 0.27 | 7 min |
| #2 | gla1re | 125 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | kson | 89 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dphil | 53 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | liquorice | 43 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shiv | +1.99 | 88 | 74 |
| #2 | alexb | +0.85 | 77 | 80 |
| #3 | gla1re | +0.79 | 77 | 61 |
| #4 | Lulife™ | +0.35 | 77 | 56 |
| #5 | liquorice | +0.27 | 83 | 52 |





