








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 91 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1104 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,353 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1718 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1345 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 818 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 472 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $268,157 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Suspect | 47% | 60 |
| #2 | Tonton Panda | 46% | 65 |
| #3 | j'ai glissé chef | 45% | 11 |
| #4 | JojoBardella | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Maquessime | 44% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Tonton Panda | 46% | 65 |
| #3 | j'ai glissé chef | 45% | 11 |
| #4 | JojoBardella | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Maquessime | 44% | 112 |
| #6 | Mathieu Bock-Côté | 43% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maquessime | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Suspect | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Mathieu Bock-Côté | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | JojoBardella | 2 | 0.0112 |
| #5 | Tonton Panda | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maquessime | 408 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Suspect | 224 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #3 | Mathieu Bock-Côté | 152 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Tonton Panda | 109 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | JojoBardella | 53 | 0.30 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j'ai glissé chef | +5.14 | 93 | 30 |
| #2 | Suspect | +0.63 | 51 | 56 |
| #3 | Mathieu Bock-Côté | +0.03 | 41 | 43 |
| #4 | Sonia Mabrouk | -0.37 | 46 | 64 |
| #5 | Tonton Panda | -1.13 | 37 | 64 |





