










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 498 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4157 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,302 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3761 | 19% |
| Smokes | 6832 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 4966 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3743 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,129,893 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 208 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | torrez3D | 50% | 32 |
| #2 | Zockenallday | 50% | 118 |
| #3 | TripleBogey | 48% | 152 |
| #4 | Sudowoodo | 47% | 97 |
| #5 | Daniel Laminati | 45% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BilbertTheGray | 13 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | patata fragilé | 10 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Zockenallday | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | S H R E K D | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | TripleBogey | 4 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | patata fragilé | 817 | 0.11 | 22 min |
| #2 | BilbertTheGray | 687 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #3 | S H R E K D | 366 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | Zockenallday | 317 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #5 | TripleBogey | 245 | 0.08 | 6 min |





