








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 159 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 299 matches | ||
| Wingman | 34 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2395 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,831 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 208 | 3% |
| Smokes | 2889 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 2045 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1689 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,618,529 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 82 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | fat brother jacob | 43% | 136 |
| #11 | Zockenallday | 43% | 61 |
| #12 | torrez3D | 42% | 43 |
| #13 | Daniel Laminati | 37% | 38 |
| #14 | S H R E K D | 36% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | patata fragilé | 13 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | BilbertTheGray | 11 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Zockenallday | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | torrez3D | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | S H R E K D | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | patata fragilé | 667 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #2 | BilbertTheGray | 393 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #3 | fat brother jacob | 254 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | TripleBogey | 198 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | ✈ | 157 | 0.12 | 4 min |





