








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 48 matches | ||
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1657 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,434 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 768 | 22% |
| Smokes | 431 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1142 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1093 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $427,443 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deafnhorny | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | 𝕋𝕙𝕖✟Teacher | 65% | 80 |
| #3 | Baba Yaga | 63% | 65 |
| #4 | colorsofthemad | 60% | 47 |
| #5 | RussianDog | 54% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | 𝕋𝕙𝕖✟Teacher | 65% | 80 |
| #3 | Baba Yaga | 63% | 65 |
| #4 | colorsofthemad | 60% | 47 |
| #5 | RussianDog | 54% | 170 |
| #6 | Kevin James | 43% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RussianDog | 32 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | Baba Yaga | 11 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | colorsofthemad | 8 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | 𝕋𝕙𝕖✟Teacher | 6 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Kevin James | 4 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RussianDog | 491 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | 𝕋𝕙𝕖✟Teacher | 125 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Kevin James | 90 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Baba Yaga | 60 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | deafnhorny | 39 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RussianDog | +4.45 | 75 | 65 |
| #2 | Baba Yaga | +2.01 | 85 | 49 |
| #3 | deafnhorny | +1.42 | 77 | 35 |
| #4 | Kevin James | +1.10 | 95 | 68 |
| #5 | 𝕋𝕙𝕖✟Teacher | +0.30 | 58 | 65 |





