








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 378 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Faceit | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1789 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,994 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2112 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1874 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1397 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1611 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $468,170 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zasser | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | RickG | 56% | 97 |
| #3 | hayek | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | FritzFantom | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | FRE3ZER | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | FritzFantom | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | FRE3ZER | 50% | 10 |
| #6 | i7homas | 47% | 15 |
| #7 | ryne | 44% | 9 |
| #8 | Smokey Moloko | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zasser | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | RickG | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RickG | 485 | 0.24 | 16 min |
| #2 | hayek | 82 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | zasser | 79 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | FRE3ZER | 32 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Smokey Moloko | 29 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zasser | +1.70 | 88 | 67 |
| #2 | DayLight | +1.11 | 79 | 67 |
| #3 | RickG | +1.04 | 82 | 75 |
| #4 | hayek | +0.08 | 73 | 73 |
| #5 | FRE3ZER | +0.05 | 85 | 65 |





