








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1071 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 487 matches | ||
| Premier | 228 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10002 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,129 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9282 | 30% |
| Smokes | 6630 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 7293 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 7924 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,376,713 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1046 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TireN | 60% | 77 |
| #2 | ☦Sv(gødl1ke) | 59% | 51 |
| #3 | Shabootiqui | 56% | 77 |
| #4 | Acenio | 54% | 90 |
| #5 | toki5527 | 54% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SassySusie (gamer) | 35 | 0.0141 |
| #2 | Acenio | 28 | 0.0153 |
| #3 | TireN | 16 | 0.0101 |
| #4 | Shabootiqui | 12 | 0.0072 |
| #5 | char | 11 | 0.0054 |





