








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 370 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 119 matches | ||
| Premier | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2800 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2086 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2857 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2035 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2280 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,131,921 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 401 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | SAUSAGELOVER | 59% | 73 |
| #3 | MommyMilker | 55% | 155 |
| #4 | Foksijest | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | egor | 54% | 108 |
| #6 | teppo | 53% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MommyMilker | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | egor | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | SAUSAGELOVER | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | teppo | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | teppo | 693 | 0.36 | 20 min |
| #2 | egor | 254 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | SAUSAGELOVER | 231 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | MommyMilker | 209 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Foksijest | 74 | 0.16 | 2 min |





