








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 170 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




100 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3890 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,296 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1202 | 13% |
| Smokes | 3103 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2296 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2695 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $798,882 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 567 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Phayro | 37% | 71 |
| #12 | ♥MysticalBoi♥ | 35% | 52 |
| #13 | ILoveMen | 32% | 113 |
| #14 | Tekazu | 26% | 35 |
| #15 | Dracolord557 | 20% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Silly Billy | 33 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | obrecheny | 30 | 0.0158 |
| #3 | ♥MysticalBoi♥ | 27 | 0.0256 |
| #4 | Phayro | 16 | 0.0112 |
| #5 | Tekazu | 15 | 0.0282 |





