








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 101 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1207 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,272 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 434 | 19% |
| Smokes | 817 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 527 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 494 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $412,748 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | grizzlypng | 70% | 37 |
| #2 | top | 70% | 23 |
| #3 | CoolBeans72 | 62% | 21 |
| #4 | shifty | 55% | 33 |
| #5 | Cereal Goonicider | 53% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | top | 70% | 23 |
| #3 | CoolBeans72 | 62% | 21 |
| #4 | shifty | 55% | 33 |
| #5 | Cereal Goonicider | 53% | 47 |
| #6 | kid named finger | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cereal Goonicider | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | top | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | kid named finger | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | grizzlypng | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | shifty | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cereal Goonicider | 86 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | shifty | 38 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | kid named finger | 37 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | grizzlypng | 34 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | top | 30 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | grizzlypng | +2.23 | 73 | 58 |
| #2 | ウォルター・ジュニア | +1.45 | 74 | 47 |
| #3 | shifty | +1.02 | 62 | 49 |
| #4 | top | +0.07 | 82 | 37 |
| #5 | Cereal Goonicider | -0.76 | 63 | 44 |





