








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 78 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1306 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,045 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 543 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1080 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 881 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 541 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $347,948 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ウォルター・ジュニア | 70% | 37 |
| #2 | top | 60% | 35 |
| #3 | shifty | 59% | 32 |
| #4 | CoolBeans72 | 58% | 24 |
| #5 | Cereal Goonicider | 56% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | shifty | 59% | 32 |
| #4 | CoolBeans72 | 58% | 24 |
| #5 | Cereal Goonicider | 56% | 41 |
| #6 | gridwatcher | 52% | 21 |
| #7 | kid named finger | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | top | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Cereal Goonicider | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | ウォルター・ジュニア | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | shifty | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | kid named finger | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cereal Goonicider | 72 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #2 | kid named finger | 47 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | ウォルター・ジュニア | 45 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | top | 38 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | CoolBeans72 | 30 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | grizzlypng | +3.41 | 78 | 58 |
| #2 | ウォルター・ジュニア | +1.10 | 73 | 50 |
| #3 | top | -0.08 | 82 | 36 |
| #4 | shifty | -0.42 | 63 | 55 |
| #5 | Cereal Goonicider | -1.47 | 58 | 52 |





