








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1056 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1161 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1315 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 827 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 992 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $132,100 of utility $59 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Superman | 100% | 6 |
| #2 | Black Hercules ♚ | 84% | 19 |
| #3 | Pink_panter | 83% | 6 |
| #4 | Kanobis | 79% | 19 |
| #5 | BlackJesus | 71% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Kanobis | 79% | 19 |
| #5 | BlackJesus | 71% | 7 |
| #6 | [SIG] Gohjira | 67% | 6 |
| #7 | Audi enjoyer | 48% | 58 |
| #8 | Skal du ha den? | 38% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Audi enjoyer | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Skal du ha den? | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Kanobis | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Black Hercules ♚ | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Audi enjoyer | 133 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | Skal du ha den? | 96 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Black Hercules ♚ | 40 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kanobis | 36 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Pink_panter | 19 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Hercules ♚ | +3.73 | 88 | 53 |
| #2 | BlackJesus | +2.34 | 71 | 69 |
| #3 | Kanobis | +2.16 | 82 | 66 |
| #4 | LeffeN | +1.62 | 76 | 64 |
| #5 | Audi enjoyer | +0.67 | 86 | 63 |





