








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1335 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,934 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1570 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1512 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 753 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1099 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $373,898 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | max | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Ares | 61% | 44 |
| #3 | Ninja979 | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | Ukiyo | 53% | 92 |
| #5 | BespokeFire | 52% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BespokeFire | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Ares | 5 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | max | 3 | 0.0112 |
| #4 | Ukiyo | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Ninja979 | 2 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BespokeFire | 343 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #2 | Ares | 261 | 0.27 | 8 min |
| #3 | Ukiyo | 119 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Nerdy | 78 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ninja979 | 55 | 0.17 | 1 min |





