








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 279 matches | ||
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5083 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,020 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4128 | 37% |
| Smokes | 2417 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3073 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1402 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $738,785 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Patchouli Knowledge | 46% | 296 |
| #2 | PuppygirlAsh | 46% | 24 |
| #3 | nobody | 43% | 28 |
| #4 | Philautia-TheCat | 40% | 77 |
| #5 | starlyn | 36% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Patchouli Knowledge | 46% | 296 |
| #2 | PuppygirlAsh | 46% | 24 |
| #3 | nobody | 43% | 28 |
| #4 | Philautia-TheCat | 40% | 77 |
| #5 | starlyn | 36% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Patchouli Knowledge | 35 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Philautia-TheCat | 8 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | starlyn | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | PuppygirlAsh | 4 | 0.0083 |
| #5 | nobody | 2 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Patchouli Knowledge | 587 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #2 | nobody | 163 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #3 | Philautia-TheCat | 117 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | PuppygirlAsh | 68 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | starlyn | 55 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nobody | +1.72 | 73 | 50 |
| #2 | yuu | +1.42 | 74 | 55 |
| #3 | Patchouli Knowledge | +0.90 | 72 | 46 |
| #4 | Philautia-TheCat | -0.85 | 43 | 38 |
| #5 | starlyn | -1.04 | 71 | 20 |





