








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,941 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 370 | 19% |
| Smokes | 656 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 429 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 486 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $193,484 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Meeso | 48% | 54 |
| #4 | Certified Bottom Frag | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | REE | 43% | 14 |
| #6 | BrayLay | 42% | 48 |
| #7 | WEBZ.GG | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meeso | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Sharkey⚝ | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | BrayLay | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | REE | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meeso | 84 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Sharkey⚝ | 56 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | BrayLay | 36 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | REE | 32 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | WEBZ.GG | 23 | 0.04 | 0 min |





