








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 596 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 233 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2325 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,286 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 750 | 33% |
| Smokes | 703 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 600 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 233 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $687,476 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deputy Dong | 50% | 147 |
| #2 | Harrimus | 50% | 28 |
| #3 | Ranger | 49% | 201 |
| #4 | Strictly Situational | 44% | 106 |
| #5 | [BEAR] | 43% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Harrimus | 50% | 28 |
| #3 | Ranger | 49% | 201 |
| #4 | Strictly Situational | 44% | 106 |
| #5 | [BEAR] | 43% | 49 |
| #6 | Simon Nelson Cook | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ranger | 10 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | [BEAR] | 8 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | Strictly Situational | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Deputy Dong | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Simon Nelson Cook | 4 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [BEAR] | 111 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Ranger | 55 | 0.01 | 2 min |
| #3 | Deputy Dong | 21 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #4 | Strictly Situational | 18 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | Harrimus | 15 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tired Cock | +2.54 | 54 | 25 |
| #2 | [BEAR] | +0.99 | 61 | 39 |
| #3 | Deputy Dong | +0.23 | 43 | 13 |
| #4 | Ranger | -0.15 | 48 | 25 |
| #5 | Simon Nelson Cook | -2.77 | 14 | 28 |





