








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 588 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 214 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2307 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,015 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 260 | 13% |
| Smokes | 364 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1068 | 53% |
| Molotovs | 323 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,229,764 of utility $212 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tired Cock | 49% | 201 |
| #2 | Harrimus | 47% | 32 |
| #3 | Deputy Dong | 46% | 113 |
| #4 | Simon Nelson Cook | 40% | 25 |
| #5 | Strictly Situational | 40% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Harrimus | 47% | 32 |
| #3 | Deputy Dong | 46% | 113 |
| #4 | Simon Nelson Cook | 40% | 25 |
| #5 | Strictly Situational | 40% | 116 |
| #6 | [BEAR] | 38% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tired Cock | 23 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | [BEAR] | 7 | 0.0083 |
| #3 | Simon Nelson Cook | 5 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | Strictly Situational | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Deputy Dong | 3 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tired Cock | 288 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | [BEAR] | 99 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Strictly Situational | 27 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #4 | Harrimus | 21 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Deputy Dong | 17 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tired Cock | +2.35 | 52 | 26 |
| #2 | [BEAR] | +1.26 | 66 | 41 |
| #3 | Deputy Dong | +0.54 | 42 | 15 |
| #4 | Ranger | +0.18 | 50 | 24 |
| #5 | Harrimus | -2.51 | 28 | 33 |





