








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 700 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 244 matches | ||
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5587 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,804 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6572 | 32% |
| Smokes | 5541 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3639 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 5052 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,435,503 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 769 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Peter File | 82% | 33 |
| #2 | fms | 67% | 126 |
| #3 | GKN | 65% | 158 |
| #4 | regan | 62% | 39 |
| #5 | Zoink | 59% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trunks | 9 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | GKN | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | fms | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Puggles | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | ✪ Peter File | 2 | 0.0029 |





