








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 158 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 581 matches | ||
| Wingman | 215 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 128 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5482 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,927 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2780 | 19% |
| Smokes | 3265 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3825 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 5057 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,307,708 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 268 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der heilige Ottonen-König | 63% | 56 |
| #2 | neXomenimus | 56% | 70 |
| #3 | Ice King | 55% | 73 |
| #4 | just! | 49% | 288 |
| #5 | LPAkte | 45% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | just! | 8 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Ice King | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Spartaner | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | LPAkte | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Der heilige Ottonen-König | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spartaner | 319 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #2 | just! | 182 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #3 | neXomenimus | 175 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | Der heilige Ottonen-König | 166 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | Wylie Cataldi | 162 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der heilige Ottonen-König | +3.72 | 86 | 55 |
| #2 | LPAkte | +2.22 | 64 | 51 |
| #3 | neXomenimus | +1.83 | 50 | 68 |
| #4 | Ice King | +0.86 | 54 | 58 |
| #5 | just! | +0.67 | 66 | 39 |





