








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 149 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1556 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,397 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1385 | 41% |
| Smokes | 751 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 591 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 670 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $438,092 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kicos | 50% | 30 |
| #2 | Boris | 48% | 124 |
| #3 | vEGA | 47% | 53 |
| #4 | coeoeoewboy | 45% | 84 |
| #5 | neknek29 | 45% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | coeoeoewboy | 45% | 84 |
| #5 | neknek29 | 45% | 20 |
| #6 | GentleGi4nt | 44% | 64 |
| #7 | Aldi Süd Niederlassung FFM | 34% | 53 |
| #8 | kiCos² | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boris | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | coeoeoewboy | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | kiCos² | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boris | 389 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | vEGA | 160 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | GentleGi4nt | 119 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | coeoeoewboy | 107 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Aldi Süd Niederlassung FFM | 86 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boris | +2.20 | 83 | 67 |
| #2 | kicos | +0.68 | 49 | 55 |
| #3 | frezer | -0.10 | 76 | 48 |
| #4 | GentleGi4nt | -0.94 | 52 | 64 |
| #5 | kiCos² | -1.10 | 50 | 49 |





