










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1533 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,500 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 797 | 32% |
| Smokes | 863 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 787 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 53 | 2% |
Our logs show you have wasted $538,803 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 60 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gregory Feather-Stone | 62% | 29 |
| #2 | BarrytheRobot | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | Eddy | 56% | 70 |
| #4 | Muk | 55% | 58 |
| #5 | Fatherless Femboy | 55% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BarrytheRobot | 14 | 0.0361 |
| #2 | Eddy | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Muk | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Fatherless Femboy | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Gregory Feather-Stone | 3 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fatherless Femboy | 185 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | Eddy | 93 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Gregory Feather-Stone | 65 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | BarrytheRobot | 48 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Muk | 33 | 0.03 | 1 min |





