








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 121 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1415 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,506 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 638 | 18% |
| Smokes | 966 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1112 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 790 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $626,750 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 325 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glenis | 46% | 63 |
| #2 | Glerectile Glysfuction | 43% | 37 |
| #3 | Glitoris | 42% | 66 |
| #4 | Glallsack | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glenis | 46% | 63 |
| #2 | Glerectile Glysfuction | 43% | 37 |
| #3 | Glitoris | 42% | 66 |
| #4 | Glallsack | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glenis | 19 | 0.0151 |
| #2 | Glitoris | 18 | 0.0136 |
| #3 | Glerectile Glysfuction | 10 | 0.0139 |
| #4 | Glallsack | 6 | 0.0133 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glitoris | 115 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | Glerectile Glysfuction | 75 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Glenis | 49 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Glallsack | 37 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glitoris | +3.78 | 63 | 37 |
| #2 | Glallsack | +0.44 | 33 | 47 |
| #3 | Glenis | +0.30 | 61 | 35 |
| #4 | Gloc | -0.58 | 35 | 37 |
| #5 | Glerectile Glysfuction | -2.29 | 26 | 37 |





