








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1056 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,257 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 786 | 24% |
| Smokes | 950 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 573 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 948 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $166,898 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dobby's Special Sock | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | B R I C K | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | Howard Hamlin JD. | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | Gypsy | 55% | 22 |
| #5 | Delta | 53% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brioche 🍔 | 10 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Iron Grip Testicle Puncture | 8 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Gypsy | 7 | 0.0150 |
| #4 | B R I C K | 6 | 0.0294 |
| #5 | BRUCE> | 3 | 0.0108 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Iron Grip Testicle Puncture | 442 | 0.30 | 12 min |
| #2 | Brioche 🍔 | 200 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Gypsy | 122 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #4 | Phra | 60 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | B R I C K | 25 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Iron Grip Testicle Puncture | +3.72 | 76 | 71 |
| #2 | B R I C K | +2.06 | 73 | 53 |
| #3 | Dobby's Special Sock | +1.06 | 64 | 59 |
| #4 | Gilbus the Gifted | +0.37 | 68 | 45 |
| #5 | BRUCE> | -0.11 | 73 | 61 |





