








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 96 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 185 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3250 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,200 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4900 | 48% |
| Smokes | 2811 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 354 | 3% |
| Molotovs | 2135 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $486,086 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | @banditmeiji | 39% | 122 |
| #11 | A fox | 38% | 29 |
| #12 | Freef | 36% | 25 |
| #13 | π£πΈπ΅ππͺ | 32% | 63 |
| #14 | Ιͺ α΄ΚΙͺα΄α΄ Κα΄α΄α΄
κ± | 23% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | @banditmeiji | 28 | 0.0111 |
| #2 | Hiro ex machina | 12 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | Ιͺ α΄ΚΙͺα΄α΄ Κα΄α΄α΄
κ± | 12 | 0.0232 |
| #4 | π£πΈπ΅ππͺ | 9 | 0.0070 |
| #5 | modartzz | 4 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | @banditmeiji | 611 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #2 | Hiro ex machina | 420 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #3 | π£πΈπ΅ππͺ | 262 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #4 | A fox | 136 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #5 | Ιͺ α΄ΚΙͺα΄α΄ Κα΄α΄α΄
κ± | 132 | 0.25 | 3 min |





