








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 187 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 364 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4372 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,218 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2611 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2362 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2010 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3235 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,653,307 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1171 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sperminator | 48% | 190 |
| #2 | Mulkan | 48% | 364 |
| #3 | Slow | 46% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sperminator | 48% | 190 |
| #2 | Mulkan | 48% | 364 |
| #3 | Slow | 46% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mulkan | 34 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Sperminator | 25 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | Slow | 7 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mulkan | 1651 | 0.21 | 48 min |
| #2 | Sperminator | 673 | 0.17 | 18 min |
| #3 | Slow | 190 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mulkan | +0.20 | 72 | 69 |
| #2 | Slow | +0.09 | 50 | 42 |
| #3 | Sperminator | +0.00 | 65 | 62 |
| #4 | Cummy Aches | -0.20 | 70 | 47 |





