










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1206 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,350 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 617 | 18% |
| Smokes | 736 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 999 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 998 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $967,620 of utility $241 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 90 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yurple fanna drinker | 49% | 43 |
| #2 | OffhandMussel | 47% | 118 |
| #3 | Ball Up Top | 47% | 72 |
| #4 | Mr.Santa🎅 | 46% | 28 |
| #5 | BucDING | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | BucDING | 45% | 11 |
| #6 | HayWireSky | 43% | 120 |
| #7 | Yoda | 43% | 88 |
| #8 | SnixxterZ | 32% | 34 |
| #9 | bonehead | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HayWireSky | 12 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Yoda | 9 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Ball Up Top | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | OffhandMussel | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | yurple fanna drinker | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OffhandMussel | 366 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #2 | HayWireSky | 274 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | Mr.Santa🎅 | 131 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #4 | yurple fanna drinker | 118 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Yoda | 83 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OffhandMussel | +2.83 | 76 | 66 |
| #2 | HayWireSky | +2.65 | 84 | 67 |
| #3 | yurple fanna drinker | +1.04 | 60 | 45 |
| #4 | Yoda | +0.32 | 73 | 40 |
| #5 | Mr.Santa🎅 | -0.50 | 68 | 75 |





