








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 83 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2722 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,557 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2717 | 49% |
| Smokes | 1236 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 626 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 978 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $124,144 of utility $18 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 637 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | tigeronjupiter | 48% | 170 |
| #7 | yeat | 45% | 87 |
| #8 | Shagnus | 42% | 85 |
| #9 | Probation | 39% | 33 |
| #10 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tigeronjupiter | 33 | 0.0099 |
| #2 | vanjelg | 12 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | yeat | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | N2K | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | omArr | 3 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tigeronjupiter | 172 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #2 | yeat | 112 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | vanjelg | 89 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | N2K | 81 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | omArr | 43 | 0.04 | 1 min |





